Friday, July 30, 2010

Thanks, Hopes and Withdrawals from Dope

Let's start out with a hearty thank you. Thank you to everyone who took the time, even a moment, to pray on Wednesday for healing. I don't expect we'll see any results any time soon. We'll have to wait for MRI's, CT scans, blood-work and all those fun things. And, while I can't think of many things that would please me more, I still don't think it's part of God's plan to heal my cancer. That wasn't the point.

My purpose for this "Day of Prayer" had more folds than my chin. (Trust me, there's a reason I wear a goatee.) Among them were the idea of people from different faiths, and in some cases no faith, to come together and pray for a common goal. That was important to me. My Gandhi like goals for humanity aside, there were also selfish reasons. Even with all the support I receive on a constant basis, sometimes those voices seem very quiet and, family aside, I feel very lonely. It's selfish, silly and probably a little childish but I needed, really needed, to know you were praying on Wednesday. It didn't really make my day any easier. But it gave me a day of hope. I haven't had a day with hope like that in over a year.

There are different kinds of hope. I have a hope, a promised hope, in God. That "hope" is the promise, through the Bible in combination with my life experience, that when Jesus gave his life on the cross He did it in my place so that one day I will be personally reunited with God in spite of the actions, decisions and episodes of Family Guy I have watched... and laughed through. The kind of hope that you all gave me on Wednesday was two-fold. (Much, again, like my chin.)

You gave me a day of the chance that I would be healed. The chance that a full life with Kristin and all that means could still be a reality. Instead of a promised hope that I have in God, you gave me an immediate hope which filled me with possibility and joy. Thursday morning I woke up feeling better than I have in over two years. I actually considered the fact that I had been healed overnight. It was passing. But it was wonderful. I can never thank you all enough.

On my current medical front I am experiencing some odd symptoms which landed me in the ER on Monday night. I have these moments, sometimes hours, where I cannot stay awake. If you've ever seen someone, even on television, passing out from a drug overdose while trying to stay awake and talk or seen someone with type two diabetes have their blood-sugar hit the 500 level... that's the best explanation I can give. It comes along with, just pay shipping and handling, a moment of confusion or disorientation where I'm either unsure of where I am or why things are happening. It's very frustrating. But it's also very similar to the symptoms I've been told to expect when the cancer finally kills my liver. It's how I'll die. So it's been very scary. We've weeded out the liver problem because the "level of ammonia in my system is fine". Willamette Valley Cancer Institute (WVCI) is adjusting my medications* for a week and, if that doesn't work, I'll have an MRI (with contrast... so I've got that going for me) of my brain... again.

I hate to follow up thanking all of you with this news. But it's what's going on and I've always tried to be completely honest here.


Also, and I'm ashamed to ask this, if anybody can spare some cash we could really use it. We have money for the essentials but it's going to be very, very, tight to pay my health insurance and, more importantly to me, life insurance this month. Essentially, I've got to come up with about $700. I'm sure God has a plan. I'm also sure that you have more important things, like food and clothing, to do with your money. But I feel like if I don't ask, then I've let my pride win. I'm determined to kill my pride before the cancer kills me.

I've got a busy schedule coming up. Busy for me anyway. Along with constant medical appointments and all the time I can spend with Kristin, Belle and my parents there are these things that I'd love for you to pray about and/or (When are Websters and Oxford dictionary going to get together and make "and/or" an official word? I mean... really?) get involved in:

Next weekend is Relay for Life. I'm still far from my goal and would love for you to donate, join our team or just show up for support. You can see my Relay for Life page at: http://main.acsevents.org/goto/aaronjamison


On Saturday, August 14th at 6pm the former members of ComedySportz Eugene will reunite for the first and last time in order to check another item off my "bucket list". ComedySportz is a family-friendly, interactive, comedy experience like nothing else you've seen. Unless you've seen a ComedySportz show. This show is being put on with the help and cooperation of ComedySportz Portland, the LCC Student Productions Association and, of course, the Aaron M. Jamison Pre-Memorial Foundation. Please come down and bring your friends, family... heck, bring your enemies! It's going to be a slice of one of the happiest segments of my life and will probably be my last performance. You can find the event here: http://tiny.cc/CSzReunion
(Tickets for this show will be available on-line... er... here... early next week.)

In January our finances should lighten quite a bit as I'll lose my insurance, as my 18 months of COBRA will be up and the new government exceptions for pre-existing conditions won't go into effect until 2014. That's if I'm still around. It would actually be cheaper for Kristin if I wasn't. (Not that that's what she wants in any way.) But, seriously, every penny I get in disability goes toward chemo, insurance, medication and other cancer related fun. So then she's still "supporting" me as far as rent, gas, food and clothing goes. Isn't that sad, and by "sad" I mean so freakin' stupid. Money is silly.


*For the record, the reason I'm typing between three and six in the morning, is that I'm an idiot. My doctor is lowering my Oxycontin (an extended release version of oxycodone) prescription from 50mg twice a day to 30mg twice a day. He's checking to see if this med is building up in my liver and being released in batches, essentially, and causing my current problems. Since I inherited the need to be my own doctor and an invisible medical diploma from my Dad (seriously, it's in our DNA) I chose to skip this med all-together tonight and see if it solved the problem. Started feeling weird around 11pm and went into full withdrawals sometime between two and three this morning. I'm an idiot. The best part is that a few months ago we couldn't afford this med for a few days and I went through the same exact thing. Why could I not remember that? Chemo. ( hand + forehead = d'oh )

3 comments:

Kelly said...

Aaron,
I'm SO glad that the day of prayer brought so much joy! I prayed to God as you see Him...I'm raised Catholic, somewhere between agnostic and atheist (I believe in good and bad energy & Karma). Anyway, I truly prayed. Multiple times, and it helped me. I told God that maybe part of His plan in your illness was the way it brought people together, such as the day of prayer. I prayed that you would be healed and that He would take care of you and your family. But I told God that it isn't just you who needs the miracle of a cure...we all do. We all need a miracle, especially in these times. Thanks for the opportunity to engage in some good prayer. :) Kelly

Ali said...

Hello again. You have not commented back but at the same time- I read your blog every day since I heard about you on 98.9 and just want you to know that you inspire me. I'm happy to see you have a good support system and a circle of prayer. My husband and I are praying for you. We pray for a miracle.

Thanks for your continual blogging. I look forward to when you update. You should have been been a journalist!

Ivy said...

Hang in there Aaron! I don't have to tell you that God has a plan for you. You're such an inspiration. Trust in Him completely. He can heal, he can provide financial support, he can comfort...

Thank for all of your inspiration and hope. We're still praying!