On Thursday we (and by "we" I am referring to my wife, my oncologist and myself) added actual "chemo" back into my chemo. Does that make sense? I was on an "anti-cancer" drug called Vectibix and have now added a previous chemo drug, Oxaliplatin to my lovely little cocktail. Today I am surfing the side-effect waves as they rush over and over again slamming my body into the pylons of Pier 39.
Chemotherapy has more side-effects than you can really get a grasp on. As each new drug is added or subtracted to the mix the side-effects take you further and further down the rabbit hole. Today, minus the pain factor, has been one of the weirdest days I've had on this journey so far. Just an emotional train-wreck with Britney Spears level paparazzi pretending to take pictures while actually using a View Master. (The following link will take you, depending on your work-place's fire-wall setting, to a list of my current possible drug interactions. Keep in mind, this doesn't include the actual side-effects, just the new side-effects created by the combination of drugs: http://freepdfhosting.com/758de66493.pdf )
More importantly right now is what's coming up on this Wednesday, July 28th! A day of prayer. I am asking that everyone who is able; Christians, Muslims, Hindus, Wiccans (or other Neopagan religions) , Atheists, Agnostics... any one who has any concept of God, whether they believe in that concept or not, to pray for healing from my cancer. I'm not sure it'll work. In fact, my guess is that it won't. It's not that I don't believe God has the power to heal me. The fact is that I just don't believe that it's a part of His plan and I believe His plan is much more important than me or my plan. Part of this, I think, is just hoping that there are people out there who are willing to question, or put into practice, their belief system to say a few words for me.
Lately the light feels a little dimmer each day at the end of that stupid tunnel. You'd think I'd learn to stay out of that tunnel by now. Nope. Not me. Just keep staring into oblivion. But as that light seems dimmer, I look for new ways to brighten the space I'm in. This week, you're all it. I'm relying on you to pray, and I'm talking about prayer to the God I worship, not yours. Just this once. To pray for His will in my life or my healing or heck... ask Him to take me "home" for all I care. Call it an experience. Call it the last practical joke of a missionary gone too far astray for the cause. Just do me a favor and talk to God, on my behalf, at least once this Wednesday. Let me know how it feels. Whether it feels stupid, and it will for some, or pious or gravitas... or whether it feels good or bad. Let me know. I'm curious.
A couple people asked for some more examples. Which is fine and understandable. Here'd be my shot, "Hey God. Aaron really likes you and he's not a complete jerk. If you could get rid of his cancer and leave him around a while longer I'd really appreciate it. But I'm sure he'd prefer that whatever you want for him is what happens. Thanks for listening." For those with shorter attention spans (How do you read this thing with a short attention span?), "God. Heal Aaron. Thanks." It all works fairly well.
Thank you so much. Some of you, I know, will be keeping Kristin, my parents and I in your thoughts and prayers all day long, some already do and some only have a moment. I'll take whatever you're willing or have time to share. Thank you for your support.
Don't forget that Relay for Life is coming up fast! Donate to help find a cure for cancer! Please click on the Relay for Life button to see my page, my goals and how far away from achieving them I really am.