Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Doctor Thank You and Mister Wanna Hide

First of all, some "thank yous" are in order...

Thank you to KMTR and my work family. You have gone above and beyond what anyone would ever expect from a workplace... from co-workers. You are truly and inspiration and support for me.

Thank you to The City of Springfield Employees. Not only have you stood by and supported my Mom throughout all this, but you have supported my wife and myself. You showed up in force for the pizza fundraiser and then did your own. Thank you.

Thank you to Papa's Pizza. For the fundraiser and for your support. It's an opportunity I can't imagine many businesses would ever consider... giving up half your profits for the night to someone you don't even know.

Thank you to Cry Baby Ink. Sometimes, as some of you know, it's easier to feel the physical pain than the emotional. The tattoo work Greg has provided at your shop has allowed me to do this without purchasing weapons. (It's a joke folks. Lighten up.)

Thank you to Terese's Place. (Boy, we've got to get you guys a website.) You provided us food when I first got out of the hospital. At a time where cooking was the last thing we could do. Thanks.

Thank you to my friends. Some of you have truly come out of the woodwork and stood by Kristin and I at a time when we really needed it. Thank you. (To those who've shrunk away. I understand that sometimes it's hard to know what to say. I'd still like to see/hear from you. Just say, "Hi.")

To my Parents. The lessons you've taught me are part of what allow me to deal with all this in the manner I am. To choose joy daily. To "take up my cross" and follow.

To my Amazing Wife. I'll never be able to thank you for all you do, have done, will do for me. For us. I could never imagine that God would give me someone so unconditionally loving, so incredibly beautiful, so sweet. Thank you Kristin.

To "everyone else", thank you. For prayers, checks, smiles, emails, and the occasional casserole... Thank you all.Some days, and today is one of them, I just start wondering about, "What if things were different?"

What if I had gone to the doctor in 2001 and complained about these rare and occasional stomach cramps? They doubled me over. My ex-wife told me they were just gas. But they weren't and... I didn't go. I was so embarrassed at the concept that I could be such a fat mess that my gas was causing this incredible pain. I guess me ego cost me my life.

What if I hadn't gone to the hospital last April when I was in such pain I couldn't even move? Would I have passed out and received some kind of better medical treatment? Would finding it earlier have made a difference? I've been told, "no." But I'll never really be sure.

I guess I, just like I think most people would, keep looking for something that could have changed all this. But if I hadn't, what would I have lost? If this hadn't all happened this way, as I think God intended, would I have looked at trees today and realized how many amazing shades of green there were? Would I have reconnected with all the lives people I've "lost" somewhere along the way?

I guess I have lots of questions. But just one answer. God. He has a plan. I have joy. So much joy in what's going on right now.

I'm almost looking forward to chemo. Not to the treatment, but to the people I've come to know. The smiles I've come to appreciate.

Thank you God. For all you continue to teach me.

1 comment:

Kristin said...

I love you babe. I am so blessed by you and your attitude every day. I am so proud of you and your strength.