Saturday, April 25, 2009

Eye Of The Tiger-Lilly

I've been struggling with a decision for the last two weeks or so. Chemo has been very tough on me. Combined with a work schedule that doesn't allow me to see my wife it's been the most difficult thing I've ever faced.

So I've been trying to decide if I just keep doing this thing or if I, together with Kristin, decide on a time or date when we stop.

After telling my parents about the decision I was facing today, and discussing it with my beautiful and understanding wife, I've decided to keep fighting this thing.

I'm aware that my chances of winning this battle are slim and none. I'm aware that this will only get more difficult. I'm aware that at the very likely end I won't have changed the outcome given to me on February 24, 2009.

I'm also aware that I spent the day with family which included a wonderful little baby. A baby so full of life that I hurt inside to think about all I'm losing. I'm not ready to lose it all yet. I'm not ready to cash in these few chips I have and leave the table.

There's a lot I have left to do and no one but God knowjavascript:void(0)s the time I have to do it in. (Am I rambling now? I think I am.) But what have I got to lose? Everything. And what do I have to gain? If it's only ten more minutes with family, with my parents, with this amazing miracle of a wife and friend God has put in my life... then what I have to gain is everything.

Here's a song, entitled Stuck, off of my last album. As soon as I can get my fingers to heal, I'll resume work on the new one.

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