Ok. Here's where I'm at. I'm just tired of hurting. I'm tired of being a burden to my wife and co-workers. I even feel like it's unfair to my dog. (She has no idea why I won't/can't play tug with her.)
The surgeon this week listed all the reasons I had to have this surgery now and how risky (I don't want to go into a lot of detail) it would be if this surgery had to be done under emergency conditions (i.e. if my colon ruptures). I agreed. The surgeon went to arrange a date and time for surgery only to return 20 minutes later and state that, because of my weight, the surgery was too risky and they wanted to wait and see. He then scheduled a CT scan for this Thursday.
Essentially, and this is mostly my opinion, it comes down to a surgeon not wanting a black mark on his record if I die on the table but realizing that if I die on the table in an emergency operation... it's not so bad for him. So they're hoping they'll do a CT scan and catch my colon right before it completely bursts and can then do the surgery as an "emergency".
I'm not so worried about dying. I have complete faith in what I believe comes after this "mortal coil". But I'm by no means ready to go anywhere yet. It would be unfair to my wife. I have so many things I still want to do with her. So many things we still need to experience.
Anyway... I've been pretty lonely lately during the week. I work Saturday through Tuesday. But on Wednesday and Friday, when Kristin's at work, I really can't do much and just spend my time alone on the couch. Feel free to call.
Get comfy at: judasforgiven.com
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