Yesterday I set myself about a new task. At least it was a new exercise, to me, with the goal of achieving results that used to come much easier for me. I decided, shortly after drinking my "horrible green stuff", that "Today I will find a reason for joy every hour. No matter what's going on. No matter how I feel. Every hour I will stop and find a reason to reJOYce!" To be honest, something I always endeavor to do at this point in my life, I'm not sure it did much good. At least it didn't do much good yesterday. Today is also a struggle, he said in a very Data like manner. I expect, if God chooses to keep me here another day, that tomorrow will be the same.
I rotate between waiting to die and thinking about what I can do tomorrow. There are other notches in there, just like the "big wheel" on The Price is Right. You spin that wheel and, on the first spin, everybody hopes for the same thing. We all want that dollar! But every once in a while, he said as he began the process of abandoning his own metaphor, something else fills that dollar spot. I get this weir feeling that God wants me to go out and talk to a few people about my experience. To share where's He's brought me and how I've arrived there. I'm overwhelmed by God's plan for my life. I guess I need some prayer. So this is going to be yet another prayer request list. Just an opportunity for me to let you know what Kristin and I feel like we need and for you to look at ways you might be able to help make them happen.
Direction: I know that God's plan for my life is the right plan. That whatever He wants from me is the best possible outcome of what He's given to me. Right now I'm not really sure if God wants me to continue or find the nearest exit. Either way, I'll need preparation to do it. What does God have planned? What is His ultimate purpose? Only He knows. Please pray with me that I will/can hear His leading and follow it on whatever path is laid out for me.
Puppy Exercise: My health, such as it is, is currently completely without repair. As of late, Kristin has been dealing with some health issues of her own. Not just the anxiety and depression we've talked about, but some female medical issues which she is currently being treated for. The two combined mean that our little girl, Belle, is not getting the exercise or physical outlet she needs. The backyard and neighbor dogs just aren't making the grade. While we have no money to hire someone... Belle needs a friend who we can trust to take her to the dog park or just for a walk. Someone who's willing to take her along, handful that she can be, making sure to fill and carry her little puppy suitcases along the way.
Finances: While we're still receiving "food stamps" and have some help with cooking what we purchase, they did recently cut our food stamps back by almost a hundred dollars. Plus, as I get closer to the end there's less and less we can do together other than catch the occasional movie with dinner. Those things, along with gas money to get us to medical appointments, church and back would really give lift to our spirits occasionally.
I'll try for a blog with much more heart-felt beauty, poetry and joy in a couple of days. This is just where my heart is today. While I have an urge to go out and talk to people, I have no energy and no strength to really follow-through. Pray for Kristin and I as we face the future God has planned, holding hands and breathing deep the breath of God. In a couple days I'll check back in and we'll see what's changed. Maybe God will have directed us one way or another. Or maybe He will just have said, "Wait."
Direction: I know that God's plan for my life is the right plan. That whatever He wants from me is the best possible outcome of what He's given to me. Right now I'm not really sure if God wants me to continue or find the nearest exit. Either way, I'll need preparation to do it. What does God have planned? What is His ultimate purpose? Only He knows. Please pray with me that I will/can hear His leading and follow it on whatever path is laid out for me.
Puppy Exercise: My health, such as it is, is currently completely without repair. As of late, Kristin has been dealing with some health issues of her own. Not just the anxiety and depression we've talked about, but some female medical issues which she is currently being treated for. The two combined mean that our little girl, Belle, is not getting the exercise or physical outlet she needs. The backyard and neighbor dogs just aren't making the grade. While we have no money to hire someone... Belle needs a friend who we can trust to take her to the dog park or just for a walk. Someone who's willing to take her along, handful that she can be, making sure to fill and carry her little puppy suitcases along the way.
Finances: While we're still receiving "food stamps" and have some help with cooking what we purchase, they did recently cut our food stamps back by almost a hundred dollars. Plus, as I get closer to the end there's less and less we can do together other than catch the occasional movie with dinner. Those things, along with gas money to get us to medical appointments, church and back would really give lift to our spirits occasionally.
I'll try for a blog with much more heart-felt beauty, poetry and joy in a couple of days. This is just where my heart is today. While I have an urge to go out and talk to people, I have no energy and no strength to really follow-through. Pray for Kristin and I as we face the future God has planned, holding hands and breathing deep the breath of God. In a couple days I'll check back in and we'll see what's changed. Maybe God will have directed us one way or another. Or maybe He will just have said, "Wait."
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