Emotions are overwhelming. That haven't always been. But lately I'll have a seemingly great day going and then it's like Kool-Aid Man bursts through the little safe wall. Only, instead of bringing Kool-Aid, he covers me in liquid loneliness, sorrow, or even bewilderment. The bewilderment is the oddest. It occasionally leaves me a little confused. Part of it is the chemo. I think. I'm not really a doctor... though sometimes I do diagnose my own problems. Not that the diagnosis is correct. But it is cheaper.
Tonight we've been invited to a friend's house for dinner, with other friends. I've been looking forward to it. Then forty minutes ago I became a caged animal. Frightened and scratching at the bars for escape. I don't know why. I don't know how to stop it. I could take a Valium but I'm getting really tired of being drugged on an almost constant basis.
Well, as a courtesy to our host and her other guests, I should go bathe and get dressed.
I guess, he went on when he really needed to be in the shower, the combination of Kristin losing her insurance (not to mention her job), the upcoming loss of my insurance and the new problem of wondering how our bills are going to get paid are just piling up on me. I don't have a solution. I'm not sure there really is one.
God continues to be good to me. In fact, He continues to love me beyond reason. I have a freshly washed puppy, overprotective parents and a wife who is constantly confused by my actions though she manages to smile through each of them.