Today my cousin Corey will, hopefully, pick us up at the Albany train station and we'll stay the night at her house in Troy. I've spent very little time with Corey, almost none with her husband and absolutely none with any of her kids but Josie. We'll be having the crash course in family tonight. Then tomorrow back to New York on the train, cab from Penn Station to LaGuardia and the flight home.
This has been, truly, a trip of a lifetime. I've always wanted to make the journey to New York. Always felt like I was meant to be there. Do you know that for my whole life, which is proving to not be as long as I'd have expected, my preferred drink was a diet soda with lemon. Did you also know that happens to be exactly the way diet soda is served in New York. At least at every restaurant we tried. The glass always came with a lemon in the diet soda. I really was meant to be here. I'm sure there's a choice I could have made at some point in my life that would've put me here.
I always say that, "I wouldn't change anything," because the life I lead brought me to where I am. But Kristin and I are too perfect for each other and I'm sure God would still have brought us together. It's going to be so hard for me to leave tomorrow. New York city really feels like home. Of course, I don't exactly have the time to re-start a career in theater at this cancer ridden point in my life now do I?
Being a "recovering theater geek" and watching a show is hard to explain. Maybe it's not. All of us have something we're really good at right? Did you ever watch someone else do that thing your good at and think to yourself, "I could do that just as well," or "I'm better than that." There's no real jealousy or ill-will in the thought. You just begin to think of how you would have done this or that differently.
OK, quick note here. It's now much later. I was typing the above around 2pm EST. It's now 12:13am EST.
Kristin and I talked, albeit briefly, about moving to New York. (Her idea. Not mine.) Frankly, it's an idea that I like. It's an idea that I relish. It's an idea that, frankly, isn't very good. Soon I'll be gone, no matter where we're living. New York's a long way away from home when you've only known one town your whole life. But please don't misunderstand me. If Kristin prayed about it and said, "I think God wants me to move to New York," I'd be packing our bags. I do believe that she should move somewhere. It's hard to grow as a person, and especially as a Christian, when you narrow your experiences. We're not plants. We need more than water and son to grow. Our environment is a big part of it too... Hmmm... Maybe we are a little like plants. In fact, some people I know are more like vegetables, if you can catch the hash I'm slingin'.
"Never forget what Jesus did for you. Never take lightly what it cost him. And never assume that if it cost him his very life, that it won't also cost you yours." - Rich Mullins
Whatever happens... whatever God has planned for her, that's what she should do. If she hears God telling her to go to Africa and minister to AIDS infected prostitutes, that's what she should do.She can't, and neither can the rest of us, use family ties as an excuse. We don't have the option to not do what's right because it's uncomfortable or inconvenient. We don't get a "Get Out Of Jail Free Card" simply because we feel guilt, or have it lumped on to us by family members or friends. In fact, those who love us should be, some-times tearfully, pushing us along the path, whatever it may be, that we've been called to.
Some people are quite literally "called" to live in the same town their whole life and serve by singing in a choir or spending time with shut-ins. But some, many more I think, are called to face challenges and difficulties in the name of God and other causes. Some are called to get dirty and muddy when they've spent their whole lives indoors . Some are called to show love to people who've done horrible things. Just because we don't all choose to bear it, doesn't mean that we all don't have some cross, chosen purposefully for us, to carry through the sludge, sewers and toxic wastes of the world.
We have to, all of us, start standing up for what we believe in and living like it means something. Living so that whatever the last day of life we live, whenever that last breaths escapes us, we go out of this world knowing that while we were never perfect, we always strive to live out our beliefs. If I'm going now, as they say, or years from now, I want to go out knowing I did what I thought was right and helped someone along the way.
I hope that's how I get to go out.