Thursday, February 25, 2010

Talking To Myself

I think part of the reason I have this blog is that sometimes I feel like I don't have any one to talk to. It's not that no one is available. It's just that everybody has their own life going on. I was going to say, "their own crap going on." But to tell you the truth, sometimes the words, in this instance at least, are interchangeable. Of course, by "crap" I don't mean literal poo. I'm just referring to a giant pile of stuff. It's like going into your messing garage and saying, "What are we going to do with all this crap?" It's not that you don't like/want/need the stuff. It's just that it's overwhelming and, at the very least, something you're going to have to go through.

Now that I type that phrase it seems the appropriate definition for life:

life - Pronunciation: \ˈlīf\
1. Something you're going to have to go through
2. A period from birth to death

So, I guess my lack of someone I feel it appropriate to burden/share/bless with my vocalizations of current affairs results in this blog. It probably also results in a lot of wasted good ideas and a lot of thankfully avoided bad ideas.

Yesterday was my birthday. It's after midnight on the twenty-fifth of February. So my birthday was indeed yesterday... at this point. I enjoyed every moment with my wife and family. Didn't really see any friends. Though I was blessed to receive many birthday wishes via the "wall" of my Facebook page. It may have been my last birthday. (Someone out there is wanting to say to me, or even saying out loud, "Each birthday could be the last for any/all of us?" Please let me remind you that nothing pisses me off now than the, "We're all going to die someday," advice/quote/statement. You can refer to my little rant at the end of my post on January 31st, 2010.)

Again, this birthday may have been my last. (Crap. Now some one's going to be glancing over this and skip the end of the last paragraph, just going here. You! Yes, you. Please read the last sentence of the last paragraph before you say something that we'll both be sorry about. Thanks.) Kristin and I had hoped to do something fairly big. We knew money would be tight but tried to plan. But the best laid plans of puppies and cancer patients... um, and their wives... failed. We had a very lovely dinner with family and celebrated both my Mother-in-Law Ruth's birthday, which is on Friday, and my own. After people stopped complaining/worrying about menu prices and my anxiety attack (because I had suggested the location and therefor somewhere in my askew brain it was my fault that people were unhappy) faded I really did enjoy the fellowship.

I guess, more than worrying about some big birthday bash, my goal was to see so many friends I never get to see any more. People I spent so much time with doing improv. Facebook gives you so much false intimacy that you can forget how much you miss people. That may be part of what lead my good friend Tim and I to a conversation about Drunkprov. A show which we have performed four times and almost always, and literally in all ways, have regretted later. Something which our friend Russell pointed out. I think we just really want to perform again. We want to capture something that was magical for us. And a family that I think both Tim and I feel long estranged from.

I'm very thankful that we did broach the subject. That we looked at it. If we hadn't, I don't think I would have realized why we were talking about it. This realization doesn't solve my problem/needs. I'm in no condition to really plan a show from scratch. I may write something... but that's not doing improv with your friends. Nothing is. Except doing improv with your friends... right? Um... yeah.

This problem... This estrangement, will continue to go on unsolved. I think most problems end up going unsolved. Some aren't meant to be, some can't be and some we just don't have the energy to go through the pain of solving. In this case, the risk of hearing a lot of no's. Of hearing a lot of, "I don't have time," or "I'm swamped." Which are perfectly acceptable and real road-blocks. But are still a little painful to a wounded heart.

Boy. If I could just take this computer to IHOP and get it to drink coffee it would be like the old times, and I'd have someone to talk to.

God bless you all. Thanks for the "chat".

Side note: Had a friend "complain" that they wanted to get me a gift but had no idea what to get me. So, here's my Amazon wish list:

And here's a link to my Relay for life page where you can donate. This one's tax deductible!
Donate to relay for life by clicking HERE.

Here's a entrance video from the second Drunkprov for your "enjoyment":

1 comment:

thatgirly said...

I miss doing improv with my friends too.