Our bank account should be overdrawn any day now. We've used up my FSA account so prescription, physician and chemo co-pays are all out of pocket now. Hoping the rent and utility check clear. Yeah, it sucks. Our "big-trip" to California is in jeopardy. I haven't said that out loud to Kristin yet. But I'm sure she knows. When you have cancer, things go even less "as planned" than they normally do.
Things, lately, seem to be falling apart. Bit by bit. By bit.
But I'm back on track. Kind of. I'm back to choosing joy tonight. Even designed this tattoo I'm having done tomorrow:
That way I'll always have some Joy™ with me. It'll be black and filled with yellow. On my inside, left, forearm. (For those questioning how I can afford that tatt work, my friend owns the shop and doesn't charge me. Mostly cause I have cancer, so don't get any wild ideas about using my name for a discount. Though he is great!)
Getting a tattoo feels good. Now that I've got an expiration date I don't care about putting ink on my skin where it can be seen. I've actually a little excited.
It's been a rough few days. But the sun always rises again. My oncologist saw my "choose joy" shirt today and commented about happiness vs. joy. I've never had anyone, other than my father, bring that up to me. It was reassuring and refreshing.
Life is good. Love is good. My cancer is good... in a way that I can't explain. Not everything about it is good. I hate being broke. I hate that I'll die sooner than I ever thought. But I love that it's had me focus hard on God, grace, joy and the beauty out there.