Thursday, February 26, 2009

The Cancer Dance is my Chance...

(Note: This is a note I posted on FaceBook the day I found out my prognosis. My birthday. February 24.)

So here's the abbreviated yet "full" story. I was finally able to see the oncologist today. He came to me at River Bend. (We still have our re-scheduled appointment with him on Friday.)

He went over just about every possible outcome he could think of. What it came down to is a "worse case scenario", "best case scenario" and "most likely scenario". The short of it is that the best possible outcome would be chemotherapy shrinks the multiple cancers on my liver and then surgeons are able to "resection" the liver by removing what cancerous portion is left, leaving me cancer free.

However, with the number of cancers on my liver, and the fact that it is considered "stage 4" cancer, it is almost impossible that chemotherapy will be able to do anything more than keep it at bay for a period of time. The "most likely scenario" is that we will be able to keep the cancer at bay for six to eight months, at which point it will take my life.

My first thought was Kristin. See, I'm secure in what happens to us after we leave this world. I don't have any doubts about what will happen to me when I die. So, I don't really fear dying. But I feel like I just met Kristin yesterday. There's so many things I want to do with her. So much time I want to spend with her. Places we haven't walked yet. Laughter we haven't shared. I want a little baby someday with her cheeks and her smile and her eyes... and absolutely her cancer genes.

So I'll be doing everything I can to stick around. Please don't think I took today's news as a death sentence. I have too much to live for. But I also want both of us, all of us, to be prepared and not surprised by whatever happens... unless it's pleasantly.

At some point I'll probably try to put together some kind of improv show with some music. Mostly to perform with a few people again, but also to raise a little money. (I have life insurance through work but who knows how long I'll be able to keep working. Though I have no plans to stop.)

I start chemo a week from tomorrow and should be able to return to work a week after that depending on what all the fun poisons do to me.

That's your update as best as I can give it. Tonight we're doing a small birthday gathering with just family. Feel free to visit any other time... also feel free to call first. ;)

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