Wednesday, November 03, 2010

I'm A Rambling Man

Just the quickest of notes. At least it'll be quick for me. I'm not very good at short statements unless I'm being interviewed.

Received an email today from someone asking why their "comments" on my blog never get posted and if I actually read the emails I get.

First, I read every email I get related to my blog, facebook or twitter. There is, of course, a lot of spam I avoid. But if I even think it might be from someone actually wanting to communicate with me I absolutely read it.

Secondly, I don't post the majority of the comments I receive on my blog. Most are basically people "emailing" me via the blog's comment feature. I tend to not like to have conversations via the blog. ( I'm the same way about my facebook wall. ) I do read every comment. But, for the most part, I only post comments which:
Have some information I think others can use / was useful or new to me
I feel that responding to will answer a question I've received multiple times
Are funny
Strike me like a whim flowing off a steep mountain and in to my ear
From a reader that I've taken some kind of "shine" to or has been around quite a while

There are a few people who insist on repeatedly complaining of my apologetics ( i.e. God hates gays, Obama is evil, and God is going to heal me and I either don't have enough faith or haven't prayed enough ) and, honestly, I read the first two or three emails, contacts and such and if the subject line remains pretty much the same I just start deleting them after reading the subject line. I do continue to read the contacts who want to tell me why there is no God, either because He let cancer kill someone they loved or just because they don't believe. Sometimes I reply and continue the conversation, unless they're too angry. Angry people rarely have rational discussion.

The only contact the really annoys me, because now I'm just on a tangent and I might as well take up your time, are the one's from people I've asked specifically not to contact me, the one's that have the "cure for cancer that the doctors are just hiding from me because they want me to be sick and if I'll just eat nothing but asparagus for life I'll be cured", and people who offer up advice that only a moron wouldn't have tried now in the situation Kristin and I are in. Honestly, I feel like enough of a failure without someone suggesting I'm an idiot who wouldn't even think about asking agencies for financial help. ( I'm well aware that's not their intent. It's just how it feels in the position I'm in. )

Sorry, I said this would be quick didn't I? Of course, I also told you it wouldn't be didn't I? Why is a raven like a writing desk?

Chemo today really kicked my butt. I'm aching in every joint and my head. ( My heads not a joint right? ) This chair ( an electric recliner... so I guess I'm sitting in the electric-chair ) our friend Karen gave us is an immense help. It's the closest I've come to being comfortable since all this started. I need to find a way to thank her. Every time I try to really express my thanks I almost cry. Frankly, I'm tired of tears - good or bad.

My wife is a big part of being able to handle all this. I don't know where I learned this but the best thing I know about love is that you have to wake up every day and make a choice to love who you're with. ( Obviously not if he or she is a danger to you or those around you. But, just for the heck of it, let's pretend that  you're both relatively kind. ) That no matter what happened the day, week, or month before, no matter how annoying the snoring was all night, no matter anything you wake up and choose to love your partner. There will always, and frequently, be those days where it's not a matter of choice... you just do. It's amazing but there's never been a day where I needed to choose to love Kristin. I wake up immersed in love. It's a miracle God has given to us, maybe to say sorry for the cancer. If it is, I'll call us even. ( Not including that little sacrifice He made on the cross to save me from myself. )

I've babbled... again. Sorry. It's probably the pain medication. I hope I answered some questions. I love you guys. All of you. There are a few I don't necessarily like and will probably never be friends with. But I do love each and every one of you. Thank you, those who do, for loving me back.

My friend, Stephanie Jackson, is part of the art show  ( which is part of the 1st Friday Art Walk ) at MECCA this Friday evening. Please come out and see the show! Open yourself up to art, beauty and family friendly night life! This Friday, November 5th, from 5:30 to 7:30pm right next to the Amtrack station.

Just for fun here's a couple pictures from Halloween night at our little church party.

Kristin and I stopped by each set of parents house (what are we 12) on the way home. She's was an 80's girl and me, I was a rabbit. Just a plain little bunny rabbit.

Stephanie Jackson (Punky Brewster), Corey Jackson (Blues Brother), Me (Wascally Wabbit), Kristin Jamison (My little 80's girl. Of course, she was only born in 1980. LOL.)


Ivy said...

First, what jackasses to send you stuff like that. I have people who try to show crap like that in your face.

But above all I have to say, you continue to inspire me with your faith. It's one thing to say you will always believe and trust God, it's another to do it and praise his name in the darkest of valleys.

Thank you for your faith. Not that you really need someone to say that, but you honestly inspire me daily. It's Christians like you the world needs more of!

Ali said...

I just wanted to thank you for the inspiring things I read in your blog. You have helped me keep my head up a number of times. I lost my friend on Tuesday, and the first day back to work I decide to check out your page. I'm so glad I did.