Whine and Cheese. It's how I live, really.

"Am I just a spoiled brat or have I outlived my soul?" I tend to think that's a line Shakespeare might have written, had he been writing today.

Outliving your soul is an interesting concept I've just been introduced to through season one of  Dead Like Me, which I've just begun to watch. Though it's unlikely, and completely un-biblical, the concept within the television show is that if a "reaper" doesn't come and take the soul of a person who was meant to die, that soul still dies and begin rotting inside the body. This, of course, leads to horrible consequences, most of which they never delve in to. It would really be interesting to see this show, which I don't believe is filming any new episodes, do some kind of crossover with Showtime's Dexter.

The point of the original statement on this blog, "Am I just a spoiled brat or have I outlived my soul?" is still just that... the point. I feel beaten. God has provided some incredible miracles in the last few weeks. In fact He (or She, I don't actually think God has a "sexual" orientation per-se and He is simply the proper grammar in the case of not knowing the sex of the person you're speaking of) has constantly and repeatedly saved us from the jaws of creditors, debts, suicide and bad relationships. God has done nothing but take care of us. It seems, though, that he waits a little longer each time before he swoops in and reminds us He's there.

The comedy show on Saturday, combined with some loving donations from Gawker.com readers, gave us just enough to put the down payment on the used car we eventually ended up getting from Lithia. (For the record and in response to those who continue to "bad-mouth" dealers let me say this: Lithia was about to give us a car they had taken in trade at $6,000 for that exact same price. Then throw in the tune-up, detail and oil change for free. When they did the mechanical work, over $2,500 in electrical problems revealed themselves. Most dealers would have just "stuck" us with the problem. They notified our lender and the two of us. Then found another vehicle on which they provided the same tune-up, detail and oil-change, again for free, and gave to us for the $6,000 we borrowed. All this at an $800 loss to them. These guys at Lithia were really good to us. Chris Carcia was the salesman and I recommend him highly.) So we have the car. My wife has a vehicle that should easily take care of her for years to come.

De Brazza's monkey lives in pairs. Pairs are male-female and they mate for life.

Here's the spoiled brat part: This show was really a bucket-list item for me. It was one last chance to perform in one of the best mediums for me. I had really hoped for a full house. I didn't expect the 500 seat limit to be met. I just hoped for 300 or so people who wanted to come and see what we could do. I had hoped my church and other friends of Tim would get out and see what an amazing talent he is. So they could see him on Sunday and tell him how amazed they are with the talent God has given him. I wanted to hear it to. I appreciate, I really do, all those who showed up. It was just sad to see who didn't and, of those who did, how many left early due to previous commitments. I told my wife in the month leading up to the ComedySportz show that it had the potential to break my heart. I just think it did.

Just a reminder to those who did come and enjoy the show that your ticket stub is good for some discounts this week:

• $20 off a new tattoo with Greg over at Cry Baby Ink in Valley River Mall
• $25 off the first hour of service from Bob over at A2Z Techsource
• 1/2 off your entree from Dustin over at Terese's Place in Springfield

Maybe it's the the low turn-out that broke my heart. Maybe I'm just grieving the end of my imrpov "career". It's hard to look at something you love and realize you just don't have the skills, or in my case mental capacity, to do it anymore. Either way I'm fighting something this week. No, I don't think I've outlived my soul. I may be a bit of a spoiled brat. But that's kind of hard to really say when put up against terminal cancer.

The greatest thing this week, for me, was that they allowed us to purchase "joint life" on the car. Because I have a pre-existing condition I have to live seven more months. But, after that, when I die the policy pays off the car. It's nice to win one now and then.

Tonight, if and when I get to bed, I will pray. I pray all day. But prayers before bed are more intense to me. Almost like when I pray to God using my guitar. I'll pray as my Dad has taught me, for those who don't know a personal relationship with Jesus yet. I'll pray for my wife, puppy and parents. I'll pray for family, relatives and that kind I see on the corner with his God every Sunday and rarely give money to in spite of the strings he seems to have attached to my heart. A few other things. I'll end with this statement to God, it rarely changes, "You're will is what's best for Kristin and best for me. We'll accept whatever decision and direction for us is. Please, if it fits within your will, take this cancer away and heal me."

May God heal you too. Of whatever pain, struggle, crisis or hurt you're going through. Here's another think Shakespeare might have written: "My God's will be your delight and may you delight in God's will."